


Give Your Hand to Me (Say Good-bye)

by Mytay



Series: Adjust Orbit and Velocity [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Because He is Full of Self-Wrought Angst, Falling In Love, He's wrong, Keith Assumes It's Unrequited Love, M/M, Prequel, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 11:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9547583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mytay/pseuds/Mytay
Summary: “A few months back, you got really weird around me … You never told me why.”“Lance, it was —”“Don’t say it was nothing, or it has nothing to do with me,” Lance interrupted, frowning. “Because I’m pretty sure both of those are lies.”“You … you didn’t do anything. Not really. It was all me.” Keith barked out a humourless laugh. “I was … going through something. But I got it under control now. So you don’t have to worry.”“That’s not —” Lance began hotly.“You don’t have to worry because I’ve figured out that I’m sort of in love with you, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. So let’s just move on, okay?”— Objects in Motion, Chapter 5It’s precisely 85 days into their Voltron adventures that Keith starts avoiding Lance, but it was on day 82 that Keith looked over at Lance and realized,“I want him. Crap.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the lyrics of _You Don’t Know Me_ (of which I prefer the [Jann Arden version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYBdjmNs1FE)). 
> 
> Back in _Objects in Motion_ , the very sweet **tinyraindropprincess (Roryshipsit)** asked to see the moment when Keith and Lance realized they liked each other. Lance has his realization in Chapter 5 of _Objects_ because Lance is wonderfully dense. Keith, on the other hand, had been dealing for months by that point. 
> 
> This is the story of when the Red Paladin first had his epiphany.
> 
> Apologies ahead of time — Keith is an angst bucket.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Keith and his angst aren't mine. Well, actually, the angst might be, but Keith and the rest of Team Voltron certainly are not.

******

From Pidge Gunderson’s Dissertation Notes:

 “ _3) [Lance and Keith] had been getting along better until precisely 85 days into their Voltron adventures — and suddenly Keith became even more withdrawn than usual.”_

******

_Date: 82 Days of Voltron_

_Planet: Fe-Rythor_

_Location: Central Marketplace, Amusement Park_

 

Keith did not sign up for this. Technically, none of them signed up for Team Voltron — they were press-ganged into service by the needs of the universe, by their own senses of honour, and by a few personal secrets that Keith knew were going to come out at the _worst_ possible time (he thought of the knife he kept strapped to his side, tucked under his pillow at night) … But the near constant battling, the threats to their life, the hard training … that was all actually okay with him.

 

 _This?_ This was _not okay._

“Keith, dude, lighten up!” Lance said, gripping the railing with a huge, happy grin that Keith wanted to smash a pie into. Really, there was a little alien kid holding an entire pie right in front of him — he could do it if Lance provoked him.

 

“No.” Keith refused to engage.

 

“Such a serious face. It’s a _roller coaster,_ not a battle sim. You gotta get in touch with your childhood! And you have to raise your hands up like this” — Lance demonstrated with great enthusiasm, causing the little pie kid to giggle — “when we go down the first drop. I can’t believe you’ve never been on a ride like this!”

 

“I never had the chance,” Keith said shortly. “And I’ve never felt the loss, trust me. And _that_ ” — Keith pointed at the giant metal contraption, parts of which were _missing_ as the coaster _jumped between gaps_ — “is _nothing_ like what’s back on Earth.”

 

“Uh, yeah, ’cause it’s _better._ ” Lance let loose a small whoop of excitement as they finally reached the front of the line. "Also, why is Mr. Headfirst Into Danger so scared?"

 

"I am  _not_ scared, I'm just not an  _idiot._ When I'm in my Lion or on my bike,  _I'm_ the one in control. Not a fan of putting my life in some random person's hands."

 

"Keith, man, you are such a downer sometimes," Lance said with exaggerated sadness as the other aliens got off the coaster, making way for them to get on next. "This roller coaster ride is perhaps the only thing that can reawaken your inner child and save you from your own broodiness. It's time to learn how to have _fun_ , buddy."

 

The little pie kid was there next to them, and before Keith could wonder what the small alien was going to do with said pie, he unhinged his jaw and shoved the whole thing in. Well, that solved _that_ problem. As the kid chewed, he gave Keith a closed-mouth smile and bounced into a seat near the front of the coaster. Lance grabbed Keith’s wrist and dragged him into a middle cart.

 

As they were being strapped in, Keith faced Lance and said, “If we die, I just want you to know that you are the single most annoying human I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

 

“Ah, it’s been a pleasure?” Lance winked at him. “Of course it has.”

 

Keith thought he had a few seconds to think of a comeback, but then those seconds were robbed by the start of the ride. No warning was given; the attendants just backed off, pushed a button, and they were off.

 

If he could think of a way to describe it, Keith would say: like riding a bullet shot from one of those old Earth guns. Except Keith couldn’t think or say anything other than, _“What, why?!”_ in a drawn out, embarrassing screech.

 

They hit a brief stop at the top of an obscenely high hill. Keith turned to treat Lance to some _extremely_ obscene words — and he saw the Blue Paladin, his hair sticking up in _every_ direction, his eyes watering, his nose running, and despite all of that, _laughing like a hyena._ Keith was struck dumb by the sight.

 

But what made it worse was the out-of-nowhere epiphany: _Crap, do I_ like _Lance?!_

And then the bottom dropped out of his world. Both literally and figuratively.

 

The coaster leapt into the abyss, suspended in the air for several heart-stopping moments, before landing abruptly on another set of tracks and zooming off again. This happened _six more times,_ and by their return to the start, Keith was sure that he would never, _ever_ be able to even _look_ at a roller coaster without feeling sick.

 

And now he couldn’t look at Lance the same way either.

 

“C’mon, dude, it was _freaking awesome_!” Lance crowed, flapping his arms for emphasis. He slid in front of Keith, walking backwards as he grinned and said, “You were _dead silent_ after the first jump. How many times did your life flash before your eyes?”

 

 _Not my whole life, just every single moment I’ve spent with you,_ Keith thought in horror.

 

“None. I was contemplating your death in a variety of ways,” Keith replied, sounding like his usual, sarcastic self, and that was _great._ If he could just keep this up, everything would be _fine._

“Oh my god,” Lance yelled suddenly, darting past Keith towards a concession stand. “Keith! Keith, it’s _alien churros_!”

 

Lance turned over a few small plastic cards (the currency of Fe-Rythor, with a name Keith could not pronounce to save his life), and came away with a huge, arm-length sized pastry tube that definitely resembled a churro.

 

At which point, Lance proceeded to shove about half it into his mouth, moaning with delight, and Keith decided that _nope,_ he was _done for today._

“What’s up with you?” Pidge asked. He had rushed to her side after spotting her just a dozen metres away at an arcade, playing some kind of dance game with Hunk. He skidded into a spot right next to her, his breath hitching.

 

“Nothing, all good. But I think Lance wants to go on another roller coaster — want to swap? I nearly hurled my entire insides after that last one.”

 

“Sure!” she said cheerfully. “As soon as Hunk is done destroying me in this!”

 

“We’re looking at a new high score everybody!” Hunk announced, his hands lifted in triumph.

 

“Had an overdose of Lance at his most Lance, right?” Pidge said with an understanding smile at Keith. “Not everyone can deal with him when he's high on sugar and thrill-ride adrenaline, so don't feel bad about it.”

 

Keith nodded silently. He spent the rest of their time at the park with Hunk, trying to keep his mind for processing this unwelcome revelation.

 

But when they were back on the Castle, and there was nothing left to do but sleep, Keith stared up at the ceiling from his bed, wondering if he could somehow stop this,  _rewind time_ and _fix it_. Because there was one thing he had already decided: _there was no way in hell he was ever telling Lance._

_Castle of Lions_

_Date: 83 Days of Voltron_

_Training Deck_

“Holy crap!” Lance hit the floor with a loud thud, and then just lay there, breathing hard and sweating.

 

Keith was regretting his entire existence right now.

 

He woke up this morning, convinced that what had happened the day before was a fluke. It was some weird chemical imbalance brought on by the unmitigated terror of that alien roller coaster. _No big deal, it’s a new day, back to business as usual._

 

He joined Lance for sparring practise at least twice a week when they weren’t on mission. Lance showed up today in what he normally wore to these sessions — a loose T-shirt and three-quarter length sweatpants. Nothing even remotely special.

 

Except for the way Keith couldn’t keep his eyes from lingering on the exposed collarbones, the flash of smooth stomach whenever the material flew up as he moved, the long leg that kicked out towards him, catching him in the stomach — which hurt like hell, but he was able to grab it and flip Lance to the ground.

 

Lance was looking up at him from the floor, laughing a little and flashing a smile. “Okay, I messed up. Gimmie a hand?”

 

He stuck out a hand, and Keith instinctually took it, pulling him to his feet — then he mentally catalogued the feeling of Lance’s hand in his own, the warmth and the callouses, the close-up look at the sweat sliding sinuously down his neck, and _Keith_ _was losing his damn mind._

“I … need to go lie down,” Keith said abruptly. “I have a new program for you to try out with the gladiators. Give it a shot without me.”

 

“Hey, you okay? What’s wrong?” Lance’s cheeriness was immediately swapped for concern. Keith tried to duck away from a worried pat on the shoulder without being too obvious.

 

“Nothing, just a headache — can’t have you beating me and bragging about it now that I’m not on my A-game.”

 

Lance’s smile made a brief reappearance. “You couldn’t let me have this _one_ thing? Dude. But still, do you want me to get some —”

 

“Nah, it’ll be fine, just need to close my eyes,” Keith lied, and then made a break for it, walking speedily for the door before any more questions or comments could come his way. He lifted a hand to his forehead and left the training area with the knowledge that this was not a fluke.

 

This was something he was going to have to deal with somehow. He just had no idea what the hell the plan was going to be.

 

_Planet: Yucaser_

_Date: 84 Days of Voltron_

_Galra Incursion of Capital City_

“Hold the line!” Keith barked at the Yucaseran soldiers, even as he sliced through two Galra soldiers. The Red Paladin was in charge of defending their right flank. Hunk was blasting away on the left flank, and the soldiers in the centre were using their considerable firepower to take down a giant Galra mech that vaguely resembled a turtle.

 

Shiro commed into their helmets, yelling, “We’ve got them pinned down in the south! They’ll be done in no time. Do you need assistance?”

 

“Yes!” Keith grunted as a Galra managed a glancing blow to his right knee. He stayed upright, barely, and used his shield to shove the Galra away and then his sword was coming up, putting yet another troop down. He would feel this later — not just the aches and pains, but the insidious, far more crippling battle remorse. But right now, it was just adrenaline and action and not-dying.

 

He didn’t see the soldier directly behind him, not until he heard the sound of a body collapsing to the ground — he whipped around to see the Galra dead, a distinct laser blast through its neck.

 

“A little distracted there, Keith?” came Lance’s voice, somehow managing to be both smug and tired.

 

“Thanks,” was all Keith said in return, immediately throwing himself towards a group of three Galra approaching at a run.

 

Several more soldiers dropped around him, and he knew Lance must be perched somewhere high up and away from the fight — at least, Keith hoped it was _away._

Some untold amount of time later, the Yucaserans finally found a weak point in the mech's armour, and when they all targeted it at once with their plasma cannons, the mech exploded into thousands of metal shards. Keith had to duck behind cover to avoid being skewered by one large chunk that came at him, aiming to skewer his head.

 

Shiro had been alongside Hunk, it seemed, defending his back, while Pidge had been at Keith’s — he hadn’t even realized in his battle haze that they had arrived on their side of the city.

 

“Lance, we’re good here,” Hunk said. “You okay over there, buddy?”

 

“Uh, yeah?” Lance answered, but he sounded uncertain.

 

Which had Keith immediately seeking out the area that he assumed Lance had been shooting from, based on the trajectory of the shots. He wasn’t entirely sure, but when he reached a crowd of trees, he saw a white boot poking out from beneath a cluster of bright yellow leaves.

 

“Lance?” he called up.

 

“Yeah, I’m here, just gimmie a minute to …”

 

Keith was knocked to the ground by the sudden arrival of a Blue Paladin falling from a high branch.

 

“Ow! What the hell?” Keith went to shove Lance off him, and then froze.

 

That was massive piece of shrapnel sticking out of Lance’s shoulder.

 

“Keith, that face, you gotta — dude, if you panic, then I’m gonna throw up,” Lance said in a rush, his face pale beneath his visor and shining with sweat.

 

He sat up, jostling Lance unintentionally, and grabbed at Lance’s uninjured shoulder, forcing him to hold still. “Damn it, we need to get you to a healing pod, _now_.”

 

The Blue Paladin ignored Keith’s frustrated orders to _stop moving around, idiot,_ and managed to get to his feet, unsteady but upright; Keith jumped up to join him, immediately reaching out to grip Lance under the elbow, helping him walk back towards the others.

 

The panic he felt at seeing one of the team injured was nothing new. That sharp fear he thought he could only feel for his parents (long gone) or Shiro (gone but returned), was now jabbing at him whenever Pidge, Hunk, Lance, Allura, or Coran were in danger, and he couldn’t be there to watch their backs.

 

But there was an added element to it now.

 

He had been accused of being callous, of being ruthlessly pragmatic, but only because since his parents left him, he’d become very good at compartmentalizing, even if his temper occasionally got the better of him. But that ability to shut things down, to repress until he could function normally?

 

Somehow, in the last two days, it was _not working._

Not when Lance was involved.

 

He couldn’t stop seeing the ridiculous expression on Lance’s face when they rode that roller coaster — the laughter, the runny nose, and the disastrous hair. He couldn’t help but slip into a stupor when his mind replayed flashes of smooth, brown skin, collarbones and abs. And now, while Lance bled at his side, he couldn’t help but feel his heart speed up, fear clenching around it, at the thought of Lance in pain, Lance bleeding, Lance broken beyond saving.

 

With that came the realization that maybe he didn’t just _like_ Lance, he didn’t just have some silly juvenile _crush._  This might be _more,_ this might lead to …

 

“No,” he said out loud, causing Lance to swing his head around, looking at him quizzically.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing, just … be more aware of your surroundings next time,” Keith said.

 

Lance frowned at him, his eyes narrowing. “Dude, did you see how far I was from that thing? Was not expecting shrapnel to the shoulder. Also, adrenaline high is starting to wear off and _wow, this hurts._ ”

 

 _“Holy crap!”_ Hunk came running, his face contorted with fear. “Oh man, oh man, lemme get Allura, or Shiro, or —”

 

“Hunk, I’m fine,” Lance said, cutting him off at the pass, trying to reassure his best friend. Keith stepped aside when Hunk swooped in to grab at Lance, swinging the Blue Paladin’s unaffected arm over his shoulders, bracing his own arm around Lance’s back.

 

“Yeah, no, _fine_ does not work when you have something sticking out of your body,” Hunk countered.

 

Shiro was there a second later, grimacing and calling for Allura to come get them before saying to Lance, “I’m really sorry, kid, but we’re going to have to take that out before you get in the healing pod.”

 

Lance smiled weakly. “Yeah, I figured.”

 

Keith stayed silently at his side, all the way until they were back on the Castle. He stood at a distance once Lance was sitting on a cot in the healing bay, with Hunk on one side, Pidge on the other, and Shiro getting ready to remove the shrapnel. Coran stood just behind Lance, a gentle hand on his good shoulder.

 

“On the count of three, okay?” Shiro said softly.

 

Lance nodded and closed his eyes. Hunk did the same. Pidge watched with wide-eyed fascination, even though her face was pale, and her hand trembled in Lance’s grip.

 

“One. Two —”

 

The broken scream Lance let out was hoarse and wet — tears dripped onto Hunk’s shirt where Lance had buried his face as soon as the metal piece was gone. Keith’s hands were clenched so tightly into fists that they almost hurt. Shiro was quick to press a small towel to the wound, forcing another sound out of Lance, this one a high-pitched whimper.

 

Allura rushed forward then, murmuring soft comforts to the Blue Paladin as Shiro and Hunk carried him to the healing pod, and she swiftly shut the door as soon as Lance was in. A few quick presses on the keypad, and she said, “It should only be a couple of vargas.”

 

“Great, then he’ll be out by dinner time,” Hunk said, his voice shaking a little. “I’m going to cook up a feast. I think we’ve all earned it today. Kicked lots of Galra butt, right?”

 

“Absolutely, I couldn’t agree more!” Coran’s happy grin was back, his worry for Lance fading fast now that Lance was on the mend. “I’ll assist you in your noble endeavour!”

 

The two began chatting (and also, arguing) about recipes as they left. Pidge followed them after she spent a minute or so reading the life signs on the healing pod. Apparently satisfied that everything was at it should be, she flashed a smile at Keith, Shiro, and Allura. “I’m going to go repair my Rover unit — call me for dinner!”

 

As soon as Pidge was gone, Allura rested a hand on Shiro’s arm. “That was good work you did. All of you. Lance will be fine.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Just hated having to do that,” Shiro said with a sigh. “Keith, you’ve been quiet — you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” he said, unable to completely hide his exhaustion. “Just, you know …” _Worried about Lance, freaking out about Lance, stupidly obsessed with Lance …_ “Busy day.”

 

“Then go get some rest. We all need it, I think. A nap before dinner would probably be a good idea,” Shiro suggested.

 

“Yeah, maybe, I’ll just …” He faded off awkwardly, not quite willing to say that he wanted to stick around for a bit, but Allura suddenly interrupted his search for a convincing excuse.

 

“Shiro, before this feast of Hunk and Coran’s, I wanted to share the Yucaserans report on other potential Galra incursions.” She smiled apologetically. “So sorry to prolong your day —”

 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Shiro said sincerely. “If I lie down before dinner, I probably won’t get up until _tomorrow’s_ supper. Thanks for the distraction.”

 

Allura gave Keith a sweet, understanding sort of smile as she and Shiro walked out. Keith immediately sat down on the cot Lance had been sitting on. He kicked the blood soaked towel out of sight, so he wouldn’t have to look at it.

 

He spent the next hour and a half thinking hard, determined to figure his crap out once and for all. (Except for the part about what, _exactly_ , he felt for Lance, because that just _wouldn’t_ be helpful except for sending his universe into a further tailspin.)

 

Ultimately, Keith could compartmentalize. He could shove his feelings down until they were barely a passing thought in the back of his mind. The problem was these damn feelings, much like his temper, were so easily stirred up and provoked out of him by Lance, that he didn’t think he could keep a lid on them for long. (Maybe they would go away after a while, maybe this was just a phase.)

 

(And even if it wasn’t, Lance would never want him that way, never — he had been purely female-focused this entire time, and he still saw Keith as a rival, albeit a friendly one, maybe even a brother … )

 

Naturally, all that remained was shoving his feelings down _and_ avoiding Lance. Obviously, he couldn’t completely shut him out — Lance was one of six other people he lived with, worked with, and shared his whole life with right now. More importantly, he didn’t want to affect their efficiency in battle — he had to keep training with Lance, he had to better the Blue Paladin to ensure his survival …

 

But he couldn’t just share a random snack time-out with him anymore. He couldn’t join him, Hunk, and Pidge for a game of _Jetpack Frozen Tag._ Keith couldn’t let Lance just waltz into his room and throw himself on his bed to complain about whatever alien girl had turned him down that week.

 

He shouldn’t stand by until that healing pod opened because Hunk and Pidge would be here for sure, possibly along with Shiro and Allura, and definitely with Coran.

 

Keith could be elsewhere. Keith _had to be_ elsewhere.

 

And that’s the way things had to be for the foreseeable future, until his heart stopped being so damn _stupid._

 

_Castle of Lions_

_Date: 85 Days of Voltron_

_Post-Training Session_

“Holy crap, were you working through something there?” Lance asked, gasping for breath. “How many gladiators did you program for that? Holy _crap._ ”

 

“Funny how you can still talk,” Keith said, taking in deep heaving breaths of his own. “Clearly, that wasn’t intense enough.”

 

 _“Dude.”_ Lance sounded affronted.

 

Keith just walked away, taking off his helmet as he went, reaching for the water tube he’d left off to the side, along with a towel.

 

As he wiped the sweat from his face, he heard Lance say, “Um, okay, you’re being weird.”

 

“No, I’m not,” Keith countered calmly.

 

“Uh, yeah, you are. Where’s the sarcastic banter? Where’s the quip about my stamina?”

 

“Maybe I’ve matured.” It was on the tip of his tongue to make a crack about Lance’s lack of maturity, but he restrained himself. Too much. Too friendly.

 

Lance just squinted at him, and then asked, tentatively, “Did I do something?”

 

“I don’t know, did you?” He kept his voice and facial expression neutral.

 

Then came the frustration and _good._ This was something Keith could work with — something that would get Lance _away._

“Listen, jackass, I’m worrying about you as a friend, and if you don’t want to —”

 

“I don’t actually. Not with you,” he said harshly. The way Lance reared back, mildly stunned, obviously hurt, had Keith almost rushing to take it back. To apologize and punch Lance gently in the shoulder, to return to their light rivalry.

 

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He had made his decision, and he was sticking to it.

 

“Fine. Go brood on a ledge or something. Get yourself a black cape to match the agony of your soul,” Lance said bitterly. “I’m going to hang out with the cooler members of Team Voltron.”

 

And he was gone.

 

Keith stood alone on the training deck.

 

He had decided this was the best course of action. He would make sure that nothing got in the way of his mission, of _their_ mission, of keeping his team alive, of his solitude, of his need to find out who his family was and where they were, of his practise to become a better Paladin, maybe even a leader …

 

And Lance would be fine. Maybe even better off. It wasn’t like Lance would want this anyway, and the team shouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness.

 

In the silence of the training deck, no one was there to contradict him. No one was there to reassure him either. It sort of reminded him of the shack in the desert, and suddenly he needed to go find some noise, a person, a group of people — so he went to seek out Shiro, if only for the company.

 

Because Lance wasn’t an option, and never could be.

 

******

 

_“That works, actually,” Lance croaked out. He cleared his throat and tried again, his voice only slightly less raspy. “Because I’m pretty sure I’ve got the worst crush on you.”_

_Keith had flinched when Lance had spoken, and then he jerked his head up, his eyes searching Lance’s face frantically. His mouth opened, but it was a couple of moments before words fell out. “You … you do?”_

_“I can’t say that I’m in love with you,” Lance said softly. “Because I just figured out I had crush on you like, ten seconds ago? But if you’re willing to give me time to catch up …”_

                                                — _Objects in Motion,_ Chapter 5

******

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap, Keith, why do you do this to me?! I was trying to write fluff, damn it!
> 
> The next one-shot in this 'verse shall be the dance practice in Chapter 5 from Keith's POV ;D I'm taking no more prompts for this series, as y'all have been kind enough to give me plenty — thanks!
> 
> To anyone that has read this — thank you! Comments, be they critiques or otherwise, are always welcome, and extremely helpful! You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://thisgirlhastales.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Much gratitude to the people who read _Objects in Motion (When Unbalanced)_ and then inspired me to add more onto this universe with their kind words and encouragements! *hugs*


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